Nervous System-Forward - I bring specialized understanding of how nervous systems work in relationship. When you're disregulated, your prefrontal cortex goes offline - which is why you can't "just calm down" or "think rationally" in heated moments. We work with your nervous systems, not against them.

Neurodiversity-Affirming - As a highly sensitive person married to a neurodivergent partner and parenting neurodivergent children, I intimately understand mixed neurotype relationship dynamics. ADHD, autism, high sensitivity - these aren't problems to fix but differences to understand and accommodate.

Somatic Integration - Drawing from my 20+ years of yoga practice, Olympic athletic background, and somatic training, I help you work with your bodies - not just your words. Sometimes, we'll explore what sensations arise during difficult conversations; other times, we'll attend to felt safety and shared somatic connection.

Trauma-Informed - I have extensive training in working with high-conflict relationships, domestic violence, and intimate partner violence (IPV). I understand how trauma - whether from your relationship or your past - shows up in your dynamics. We'll address these wounds with care while helping you build new patterns.

Evidence-Based - My approach integrates:

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - Proven approach for building secure attachment

• Polyvagal Theory - Understanding nervous system responses in relationship

• Attachment Theory - Exploring how early experiences shape current patterns

• Internal Family Systems (IFS) - Working with the different "parts" that show up in conflict

• Non-Violent Communication (NVC) - Learning to express needs without blame

Specialized Support for Mixed Neurotype Couples: So often what we call relationship problems are really two nervous systems trying their best to love each other.
One moves into hyper-focus while the other reaches for words. One feels safe in closeness, the other needs space to breathe.

These aren’t flaws or incompatibilities. They’re the quiet languages of your bodies — different rhythms asking to be understood. With curiosity and care, those differences can become the very places you learn embrace your partner more fully.

Many couples I work with discover that what they’ve been calling “communication issues” are often neurotype and sensory processing differences in disguise. With understanding, attunement, and small shifts in how you meet each other, these differences can become points of connection rather than conflict.

I help mixed neurotype couples:

• Understand how each nervous system operates

• Develop communication strategies that work for both partners

• Create routines and systems that honor different needs

• Build appreciation for what each person brings to the relationship

• Navigate external systems (family, work) that may not understand neurodiversity

This work is deeply personal for me - living in a family where four people regulate entirely differently has taught me that love doesn't always look the same and there are many ways to express it. I am endlessly curious, compassionate, and committed to helping you and your partner understand each other's unique needs and bids for connection.

Most couples therapy focuses on communication skills and conflict resolution techniques. While these can help, they often miss the deeper issue: when your nervous system feels unsafe, no communication technique in the world will work.

My approach recognizes that underneath most relationship struggles are two nervous systems trying to find safety with each other - and often escalating each other instead. When you understand how you each regulate, what activates you, and what you need to feel secure, everything shifts.

This isn't about learning to "fight fair" or mastering the perfect comeback. It's about building a relationship where both of you can show up authentically, feel genuinely seen, and create secure attachment that weathers life's inevitable storms.

We Start With Safety

Before we can address relationship patterns, each partner needs to feel regulated enough to be present. I help you understand your individual nervous system responses:

• What activates you and why

• What activation feels like in your body

• Your unique regulation needs

• How your past experiences shape your present reactions

• What safety feels like for your specific nervous system

We Understand Attachment Patterns

Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we explore the attachment dance you're caught in. Usually, one partner is pursuing connection ("Why won't you talk to me?") while the other is withdrawing to self-protect ("I need space"). Neither is wrong - both are trying to feel safe in the ways they learned.

We slow down these patterns and get underneath their performed reactions, so you can see what you and your partner actually need. Then, with compassion rather than blame, will find in-roads towards connections recognizing and recommitting to the closeness that you both want.

We Build Secure Connection

Healthy relationships require each person to be regulated and connected to themselves first. Then, from that grounded place, you can build secure attachment together. This means:

• Learning when and how to self-regulate, co-regulate, and take space

• Developing rituals and practices that support connection

• Understanding how to repair ruptures (because they will happen)

• Creating space for each person's authentic needs and expression

We Honor Differences

Many couples I work with are what I call "mixed neurotype" relationships - where partners regulate differently, process information differently, and need different things to feel safe. Rather than seeing these differences as problems to solve, we explore how to honor each person's needs while creating maps to understanding.

Initial Consultation (Free 15-Minute Consultation)

We'll explore whether my approach feels right for your relationship, discuss what's bringing you to therapy, and answer any questions you have about the process. - Get Started

Intake Process

Your first session together will explore your relationship journey and current challenges. This is followed by individual sessions with each partner, allowing me to understand each person's perspective, nervous system patterns, and attachment history. This comprehensive intake helps me develop a treatment plan tailored to your unique dynamics.

Ongoing Sessions

Sessions typically include:

• Slowing down your patterns so you can see what's actually happening beneath the surface

• Practicing new ways of being together in real-time, with my support

• Understanding your attachment dance and developing compassion for both partners' experiences

• Building regulation skills so you can stay present during difficult conversations

• Creating rituals and practices that support connection outside of sessions

• Addressing specific concerns like intimacy, parenting conflicts, or trust rebuilding

Between Sessions

You'll receive visit summaries with themes to notice and practices to explore. Some couples engage deeply with homework; others prefer to keep the work primarily in session. Both approaches are valid - we'll find what serves your relationship.

Our unique position as both a medical practice and clinical therapy practice allows for truly integrative support. Relationship struggles often have physiological components - hormonal imbalances, chronic health conditions, sleep issues, or stress-related disorders which can all impact emotional regulation and relationship capacity.

If beneficial, you can work with Dr. Matt Van Auken, MD, alongside our couples work, addressing both the relational and physiological aspects of your well-being simultaneously.